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Monday, 25 November 2019



You can actually be in love with two people, but the second person is likely to be a choice.

Love is a kind of feeling that can be developed for very limited number of persons. Most preferably, love can most times be developed for just one person;  this still doesn't mean that someone cannot love two people at a time. Notwithstanding, the truth still remains that one cannot love two people equally, that's why we said the second might be a choice - but it may not always be a choice. Reasons why people fall in love with two different people will be treated in our next topic. Today, we are treating why the second person is a choice, and why he/she may not even be a choice.

Boyfriend/girlfriend number two is a choice because of the following reasons:

1. He/She is not indispensable: This doesn't mean your main partner is indispensable, or that you will die if your first/main partner leaves you. What we are trying to establish here is that the second person or your partner number two doesn't have much of your heart like the partner number one. Your heart won't feel much pain without him or her. You might have something to lose if you let them out of your life. Perhaps, that might be the only reason you are bent on keeping them. It might not even be love.

2. You allowed it to happen: Most times, love doesn't happen because we wanted it to happen. You don't love people just because you wanted to love them. You find yourself helplessly falling in love with someone even when you clearly don't want to be in love with that person; but here, the reverse is the case. You started with him or her because you wanted it to happen, or better still, because they possess something your body craves for (at the moment). This could be beauty, handsomeness, good body shape, money, nice voice, among others. Real love doesn't just happen because of these. You don't fall in love just because you want to. When you fall in love because you want to, it means you have a choice over whom you develop your feelings for, it means you constructed your feelings. When feelings are constructed, they can be destroyed without much pain.

3. You can control it: You can control it, but you chose not to for the fun of it. In order words, you chose not to for your selfish gains. We have cases where people who are already in a relationship find someone else, they tell this new person about the other person (Boyfriend/Girlfriend number one), but hides the new person from the boyfriend or girlfriend number one. The second relationship often starts with mutual agreement to keep it away from the knowledge of the first partner (Boyfriend/Girlfriend number one). Most times, the people in this relationship already have someone they see as their main partner, but still decide to stick together, mainly for sexual reasons. Such relationship hardly or never survives without sex.

4. It's gain doesn't count on the long run: It's a choice because despite all you have been gaining from it, you still can't leave the other person you see as your main partner, even when you gain very few or lesser material things from your main partner. We must add too that some people gain more material things from their main partner but they still chose to keep the other person. It's still a choice.

5. It's a choice because you can't marry them: Your love for your main partner or partner number one is so much that he/she seems to be the only one in the world right now that you can get married to, but you still decide to keep that second person. You claim to love him/her but just can't envisage yourself marrying him/her. Most times, this has nothing to do with their bad behaviors, in fact, they are the best behaved people you have ever seen, but you just can't use them to replace your main partner in your heart. In other words, you don't love them enough to marry them.

Having explained these above reasons why the second person is a choice. There are cases where the second person may not just be a choice. Here, the person that should be seen as the main partner seems to have overstayed his/her welcome, and might just be a liability as the relationship progresses. These cases happen under the following conditions:

1. When the first person is a fake lover: It is most likely for people who are badly treated in their relationships to fall for someone else who treats them better than their supposed main partner. A broken bottle cannot be mended. Trying to mend a relationship after your partner had started loving someone else more than you, especially when it is your fault, is like trying to mend a broken bottle. You won't succeed.

2. When the supposed main partner has unrepentant bad behaviors: Some bad behaviors don't in any way make one a fake lover. Take for example, an unrepentant dirty partner can't be said to be a fake lover. They may be good at other aspects, but they have this particular disturbing bad behaviors that they can't do away with. Your partner may start loving someone else more than he/she loves you because your behavior is a huge turn off.

3. When it is not choice because of lack of commitment from the supposed main lover: Commitment can take different forms like time, communication, etc.

In conclusion, each ever way it turns out for you, remember that you become a cheat the moment you start doing two or more people. Having sex with someone is not the only way to know when someone is cheating. You can be cheating with someone and yet not having sex with that person. Guide your heart. Guide your relationship. It's very petty and wicked to cheat. There is no reasonable excuse to be in two love relationships at the same time.

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