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Monday, 11 November 2019



I am having a serious problem with my mother-in-law. I and my husband had been living with her in the family house ever since we got married. The problem I am currently having with her is her fault and my husband is totally on my side. My problem is that I don't have peace of mind in my marriage again. Recently, I stay out till the evening time when my husband will return from work, before going home, this is to avoid her. Please advise me Caesar. I really need to find a way around this.

My Response:

Even after you find away around this problem, and perhaps settle your differences with her, you still have higher chances of having another problem with her. This is why we advise married men to live away from their relatives. A married man should live away from his parents and siblings if he seriously wants peace between his wife and his family members.

Now, you already started having problems with your mother in-law. You have to be careful so it doesn't extend to your husband's siblings. Once you start having problems with their mom, they may not always be cool with it. The worst part is that once they start hating you, it never disappears so easily; sometimes, the hatred lasts a lifetime.

Now your husband is still on your side, try and persuade him to get a house outside his family house. If he can't afford it, try and work to raise money for it as soon as possible.
You can't have total freedom while living with your mother-in-law, especially when you cook together. Most times, you will keep eating what you don't want to eat or won't eat what you want to eat when you want to eat it.

I must add this, remember she's like a mom to you. In fact, she's now your mom too. Don't talk to her rudely, don't talk to her as you wouldn't to your birth mother. Don't behave in expected ways. When she does things in anticipation of you to be angry, please prove her wrong by not being or acting angry. Be the best daughter in-law to her, yet, giving her little space to show you aren't cool with her disposition. You can limit how you talk or discuss with her as a way to vent your displeasure. Proximity is a very good way of communication. With little distance and reduction in communication but still maintaining good behavior, you will communicate to her how angry you are with her even without having to quarrel with her. Greet her very well, discuss the basics with her, but limit the play, that's the concept.

I must add this too, if you continue to have issues with her, time may come when you may start losing your husband's support. So, avoid having issues with her, and try to work on getting/renting your own house as soon as possible.

Thanks for sharing with us.

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